I Am the Most Wanted by an American Woman.

“You lost your stick down a trench that led into a cavern with criminals hiding in it? You were walking along a road that had ocean waves washing over it on a clear sunny day? Ellen had found a comfortable spot to lay on the sand amidst all the water? And you are sneaking off to where now my Love?”

I heard a soft laugh from directly in front of me as I moved from the bathroom towards the bedroom door with the intention of laying down on the couch in my study. I then felt a set of hands reach out of the darkness and gently grip my upper arms as Julia spoke with the slight hint of a laugh in her soft voice as she said, “Um… My love? Our bed is over there.”

I nodded and she then giggled saying playfully, “And your water is on the nightstand, too, freshly delivered. But, if you prefer, we can sit on the love seat.”

I nodded again and began moving towards the love seat as Julia moved off to grab my water on the nightstand. After handing me the bottle and sitting down next to me with one of her own, she playfully asked, “So what’s my husband doing wide awake at 11:30 PM at night after only an hour of intense dream filled sleep?”

I looked at her, my head still in a fog, and she just laughed as she gave my hand a gentle squeeze. “I guess it was a more intense dream than Brian the Snoozer led me to believe.”

I muttered, “Brian the Snoozer needs to learn to shut the fuck up.” Julia then gave me a gentle kiss saying, “Don’t dis the Snoozer. He’s cool, just like you. But that might only be because he is you.”

She then giggled and kissed me again. “You’re enjoying this,” I muttered, and Julia answered me with a deep passionate kiss.

“Ok. I confess. I love Brian the Snoozer just as much as I love Brian my husband,” Julia said quietly. She then said, “But… If truth be told, I love my husband more.”

She then kissed me passionately before asking with a giggle, “What do you think Sigmund Freud would make of your dream?”

I looked at her and said, “Probably that I was sexually frustrated and wishing I could bone my ex.”

Julia started laughing uncontrollably. When she finally composed herself, she asked with amusement dripping in her tone with every word, “And do you want to bone your ex?”

I looked at her and smiled saying, “Well the trench and cavern I lost my stick in were both sandy. And… I needed a second stick to locate the first so I wouldn’t bend or snap it when I went down into the trench to retrieve it. Ellen seemed unable to tell me where the first stick was as I slid down the side of the sandy trench to find it. So… Uh… What’s that tell you?”

“You have an aversion to sticking your stick in gritty dry places,” Julia said with another naughty schoolgirl giggle. “But what about the criminals in the cavern?”

I looked at her and said, “I’m guessing that, while some of the dream could be interpreted as sexual, there’s a chance that someone featured on America’s Most Wanted is hiding in a cave somewhere in a desert that meets the sea at some point. By the way… Thanks for taking notes.”

“No problem, Babe,” Julia responded. “As I’m sure you’ve figured out by now, I’m using a pen and pad but will type it out for you later.” I nodded and sat back on the Love seat for a while just resting my eyes.

Then I felt Julia move close to me after putting her notebook down on the end table next to her. She kissed me lightly before asking, “Is the rain aggravating things again?”

When I nodded, she said quietly, “Come back to bed and let me help you out with that, ok? At the very least I’m pretty sure I can distract you from it. You don’t have to head off on your own every time you’re not feeling right.”

I nodded and she kissed me again before pulling me up with her and moving off towards the bed. The massage of the left shoulder felt wonderful, as did everything else she did as I drifted in and out. At one point I remember hearing her saying something like, “Just let go. I’ve got this.”

And then… The next thing I knew it was morning and Julia was no where to be found in the bed next to me. When I did put my feet on the floor however, I heard, “Hello there sir. Did you have a nice sleep?”

She was sitting on the love seat with a wireless keyboard typing away. “I’m doing the dream notes I took last night in a text file for you on my phone and will send them over to your computer when I’m done. The coffee is already on in the kitchen and will be done soon.” I nodded my appreciation and headed off for the bathroom.

The rest of the day was a slow one, me just not really being able to settle down to anything. Julia was working in town today but checked in with me when she wasn’t in session.

“I’m ok,” I said during one call. She gently said, “I know. But… I just feel better hearing your voice some days.”

I asked, “Is everything ok on your end?” She replied, “One or two difficult sessions. But after talking with you… I’m good. I’m better than good.”

When she came home, we slipped out to McDonald’s for a quick bite. Neither of us felt like cooking and she playfully teased me for the rest of the night about being such a slacker all day.

“Is that JD I smell on your breath? What have you been doing all afternoon? Don’t you realize your boss will fire your ass if he catches you drinking on the job?” Julia chided.

Then she stopped at one point and laughed saying, “Oh crap! I forgot! You are the boss. Never mind me then.”

She then came around to my side of the table throwing her arms around me saying softly just before kissing me deeply, “I’ll bet a wine glass full of that Tennessee Honey kicked the headache you had right out the door though, didn’t it?” When I just looked at her blankly, she burst out laughing saying, “It was in the dish rack silly! I’m not psychic like you are just yet. But you will teach me how to be, right?” Julia asked playfully slipping her hand down between my legs under the table.

I simply smiled and kissed her back, nonchalantly cupping one of her breasts in a manner that no one else would notice as I did so. “UUuummm,” she moaned then saying softly, “Is that an invitation?”

When I nodded, she said, “Well then… I’m thinking it’s time to head back home so you can work your magic on me. Maybe you can spare a pretty girl a bit of Tennessee Honey, too?”

She’s now passed out cold on the bed, her having downed a wine glass full of JD when we walked through the door, even though she knows she’s a light wait.  Then she announced, “Do what you will with me for the rest of the night. As long as it’s only you doing it, I don’t care.”

She then began kissing me passionately and… Well… She finally passed out during the afterglow party; I think the alcohol finally shorting out her synapsis for at least a little while.

The warm glow she had in her voice when she spoke her final words of the night? “Priceless!” And now? I really do think it is time I be off to join her before sunrise so we can rest up to start another awesome day anew.

Author: Brian Schnabel

A single Goldberg Realty owned Newtonian Gardens Apartments resident, Self-Publishing Author, cPanel WordPress Web Host and Windows 11 powered computer tech. A musician, sailor, hiker, cycler and… Yes ladies… Some women would say, “Magical, too!”

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