Just when I didn’t think my stress level could have gotten any higher… Well… It did. Some things have turned out ok in the moment. But other things will never be ok. It can’t be real. “It just can’t possibly be real.”
I was writing the above in my journal just before turning in last night when I felt a hand on my shoulder and felt long hair brushing my cheek. “Come to bed with a pretty girl?” Julia breathed softly.
Then I heard a whispered, “Oh… Oh no… That isn’t good.”
“Baby… I am so sorry,” Julia said softly, her hand now gripping my shoulder like a vice. “I knew something was wrong when you got off the phone on Thursday afternoon. You looked like you were ready to kill.”
She then said, “And my eyeballs really need to learn to mind their own business. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t help… I didn’t realize right away… That’s your journal.”
She then gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze, saying softly, “I’m heading to bed. Please don’t stay up alone all night with this? Please?”
I nodded so she could see and continued writing. About an hour later I headed to bed myself and found Julia waiting for me on the love seat.
When I walked in the door to the bedroom, she rose saying, “I’m hear.” I remember feeling arms wrap around me and guiding me towards the bed as I broke down. After that… I don’t recall much.
But… When I opened my eyes this morning, I found myself still wrapped in Julia’s arms, her gripping me with her entire body and gazing steadily into my face. “I didn’t know how to tell you,” I said.
“I know,” Julia whispered. “I get it. Please stop apologizing. You’ve been doing enough of that already. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
Julia rescued my cellphone at one point this morning when it rang at 7:00 AM, grabbing it before I could and turning it off before replacing it on the nightstand laughing softly. “No throwing the phone,” she whispered playfully. “People mean well babe. They just need to learn to look at a clock more often.”
She then gave me a long kiss before asking, “Lake Wallenpaupack? Go for a sail? Yes? Sailing is good, right?”
So, that’s what we did, and it did help, both of us running our small boat through its paces. It spritzed rain on and off as we did the full length of the lake up and back, but I hardly noticed. What I did notice and very much appreciated was the way Julia was casually sticking close to me. Not in an overbearing way. But close enough to make sure I knew she was still there.
Somehow, being out on the water with Julia, feeling the wind around me, water beneath me and Julia sitting next to me… Well… It didn’t take the pain away or make the things I’d learned in the past week seem anymore real to me. But it did take the edge off.