Last night I fell asleep working on a meditation to heal my mom, whether she herself wanted to heal or not. Then, this morning, I had a few dreams that I’m not fully certain on the meaning of.
The first involved me sleeping on a bed in the living room of my apartment; my dad on his way back to my bedroom to sleep. As he was heading back, I suddenly felt myself lose control of my bowels; what did come out of me being mostly solid, “Thank god!”
Dad came back out when he heard me correcting Wade; my first Seeing Eye Dog; him being a German Shepherd. Wade was going after the shit on my bed, and I stopped him from doing that. My dad didn’t say anything as I bagged my shit and got ready to trash it outside; the dream ending there.
Then dream two came along. In this one Ellen and Amanda Boehner (from back in the summer), complete in her police uniform, was laying on my bed next to Ellen; both women looking at me as I walked into the room. The setting seemed to be more hospital-like but the bed they were laying on was the one I had my accident in during the first dream. When I looked at Ellen she said, “We knew you didn’t get a chance to change your sheets, so we put some blankets under us before we laid down, just in case.”
As the dream ended, I had looked at Ellen and commented that Amanda probably doesn’t want anyone to know she’s been looking at porn. I then glanced at Amanda and spoke to Ellen again saying, “I can tell I’m right about that just looking at her. Can’t you?”
Then there was the third dream. In this one I was leaving my apartment complex with a bunch of folks I recognized from the gym, plus a few more I didn’t; them all being women. I realized that I didn’t have my cane on me. But after realizing I could see the painted lines on West End Avenue, I decided not to ask for help just yet and see what I could see, so to speak.
I did pretty good. Next thing I know, we’re all standing in the foyer of a pizza parlor. Everyone had stopped for a minute, the women all talking amongst themselves. So, seeing it was just myself and an 8-year-old little girl with long brown hair, I asked her what her name was.
She said it was Nicky. I then asked her who the different people were that I didn’t know, and she started pointing them all out to me and naming them.
I thanked Nicky for doing that, amazed at just how much of everyone I could see under the bright light of the foyer. But I noticed Nicky seemed sad about something, so I asked her if she was ok. Without looking at me Nicky softly but sadly said, “I’m fine,” before disappearing into the restaurant.
I finally decided it was time to use my cane and it appeared in my hand. Penny, my spin class instructor, had seen it appear in my hand and, as I unfolded it, she said, “I thought you didn’t have that on you. How did you do that?”
I laughed as I walked past her and into the darker interior of the pizza parlor saying, “I have magic. I am magical. Didn’t you know?”
The dream ended there. But I’m still trying to work a few things out.
One way of looking at the first two dreams is that other people don’t mind getting into my shit when it suits them. Another way of looking at the dreams is that my love life is a train reck that everyone has an agenda or opinion on. Another way of looking at things is that my dad, Ellen, and perhaps even Amanda Boehner all have no problem with entering my private space, emotional upheavals, and all.
Of course, there’s a chance that the first dream was God’s way of saying to stay out of his shit with regard to my mom. The second dream could have simply been a reference to the fact that I have a natural talent for reading people. And… Yeah… The last dream just very well might have been trying to show me that I do have a bit of magic power within me.
My eyesight coming back? It’s very possible that the dream is trying to tell me that I have control over that, too.
When Julia got up at around six thirty and realized that I was in my study writing, rather than in bed beside her, she asked, “Was I snoring too loud?” I told her, “Not at all.” Then I printed out the dreams I had written down and gave her the papers to read.
“Honey,” she said. “You don’t have to show me this stuff.” She then leaned down and kissed me, nuzzling my neck for a long minute. I then playfully said, “Ok. Give it back then,” and held out my hand.
“Hell no!” Julia said laughing. “My curiosity is peaked now.” She then sat down on my leather couch and started to read quietly.
When she finished, she reached out to me and gave me a gentle tug in her direction. So, I moved from my desk chair over to the couch with her. When I sat down, she studied my face for a long time before saying, “You look tired.” I said, “That’s why God invented coffee, which there is now a full pot of in the kitchen. Help yourself.”
“Huom… The coffee or you or… Both?” Julia asked slyly, giving me a hug as she did so.
“Both,” I said and gave her a squeeze in return. She said, “Even after last night? You were clearly not able to fall asleep for a while based on what I’m reading here. It is sweet of you to want to help your mom heal and I believe you can. I know you don’t think that you can do all that much in the Remote Healing department. But… I think you’re going to find that will change.”
When I asked her, “How so?” She said, “You are getting stronger. I can feel it when we’re together. I’m not sure how to explain it. But it’s like there’s this force all around you that seems to be getting more and more intense as time goes on.”
She then went on to say, “Even when we’re out in public… The way people react to you… The way situations around us play out… It’s nothing short of magical. You do have magic and I think to some extent the dreams are there to remind you of that.”
She then said, “Trust your gut. You don’t have to figure this stuff out all in a day. I know the dreams keep coming. But a smart man once told me that looking at themes is often better than trying to piece all the details together.” I laughed and said, “Who ever told you that was a complete moron.” She suddenly shifted herself onto my lap, facing me and ramming my shoulders into the back of the couch before saying, “Well… That might be the case but… Well… I love you with all my heart anyway, You Moron!”
She then proceeded to work her own magic right there on the couch, both of us more than satisfied by the time all was said and done. “And that was just the start of the day.”