I Am Feeling Safe Enough to Deal with Fear.

“Give it a voice. Let it be heard. Say it. It’s ok.”

I opened my eyes and found Julia wrapped around me as she spoke. “You’re shaking like a leaf,” she said. “But you were also talking in your sleep, so I’ve got a pretty good idea as to What’s going on. It’s ok. I have a recorder here and we can write it out together after.”

“It’s stupid,” I muttered. “No,” Julia replied gently. “It’s a fear that you have every right to have and feel.”

“Come on, Babe,” Julia said warmly. “Let it out.”

So… I recounted the dream in full detail; it having been about her leaving me for another man. When I finished and she turned the recorder off I didn’t even want to look at her saying, “I have no idea where the hell that even came from. It’s so…”

At that point she cut me off with a kiss and whispered, “Not stupid. Understandable? Yes. But certainly not stupid.”

She then continued, “It certainly explains why you’ve been pushing yourself to the extreme at times. Subconsciously, somewhere deep within that head of yours, there’s an old tape playing that says you have to work to keep me. And… To be fare… Yes. You do. We both have to work to keep each other. But not in the capitalistic sense.”

She then kissed me lightly, having shifted so she was laying astride me, supporting her weight with her arms and staring directly into my eyes. “The kind of work that needs to be done to keep us together you’re already doing, beautifully. You clearly aren’t even aware of it most of the time. But I see it and I am so very grateful.”

Her hair was laying around my head like a tent and as I breathed in… It smelled so fresh and clean. It was relaxing to me in that moment.

“What are you doing today?” Julia asked. She was running a finger lightly down the side of my face as she asked.

“I’ve got a podcast and posts to upload to The Bria Sphere and then I want to look at starting a podcast on Brian Schnabel’s Head space. I also have a journal binder that needs updating. Sometime today or tonight, I need to start at least getting my laundry together, too,” I replied.

“I’ll help you with the bedding,” Julia said. “But don’t worry about that right now.”

She then seemed to be studying me for a moment before wordlessly rolling off me and out of bed, pulling my hand along with her as she went, indicating she wanted me to come with her. Next thing I know, we’re in the shower and… Well… “It was good!”

Author: Brian Schnabel

A single Goldberg Realty owned Newtonian Gardens Apartments resident, Self-Publishing Author, cPanel WordPress Web Host and Windows 11 powered computer tech. A musician, sailor, hiker, cycler and… Yes ladies… Some women would say, “Magical, too!”

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