I Am Allowed to Feel Pain.

Today, I think Julia and I were both devoutly thankful that we were working from home. It was windy and then, “It got rainy!”

I really didn’t get too much done today that I’d wanted too. But… I had pain from my low back and left hip all the way down into my left foot last night and didn’t get much sleep. Julia slept like a stone though, which is always a good thing to see in my book.

However, when she woke up and looked at me, it was as if she’d known all along that I didn’t get a wink’s worth of rest. “Your back and legs?” Julia asked, reaching a hand out and gently taking one of my own. I nodded and she said quietly, “Well… I think I have an idea that will help. But… Only if you’re game.”

Again, I nodded and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. Then she said, “Go use the bathroom and start the shower. I’ll be in with you shortly.” I gave her a questioning look and she said softly, “Trust me. I can help.”

So, I hit the shower and after about a minute Julia arrived to join me. She had the shower bench with her and set it down in the middle of the tub instead of at the end and asked me to sit down on it, facing away from her; Julia standing between the bench and the wall with the water tap, showerhead, and faucets.

She then crouched down behind me so the water was streaming from the head onto my back. I asked, “Are you ok back there?” She gently said, “Don’t worry about me. I’ve got this.”

“Yeah,” I said, “But if you slip with the water tap and faucets behind you… Uh… That could be a problem.”

She laughed softly and, leaning forward, nuzzled my neck saying, “You let me worry about that.”

She then gently began massaging my shoulders asking, “Left leg or right?” I responded by tapping my left hip. She then said, “That’s what I thought.”

She adjusted the shower head so it was angled to put mor of the concentrated stream on my lower back. “I hope you don’t drowned back there. That can’t be comfortable.”

She laughed lightly and said, “I’m betting I’m feeling more comfortable than you are at the moment. But… That will be changing soon.”

She let her fingers do the walking up and down my spine, and I could have sworn that I felt her even kissing my back in places as she worked. I definitely felt her hair touching my back at times, which was not unpleasant.

After a long while she finally asked me, “If you can, pull your chest down to your knees? Go slowly and don’t force it, ok?”

I nodded and leaned forward. I was surprised how far forward I could go. It wasn’t quite knees to chest, as things on the left side didn’t feel like they wanted to go along with the master plan.

I felt her hands on my shoulders as I did this and knew she was standing behind me again. “Watch your head on the wall Babe,” I heard her say. Then I heard, “That’s good enough.”

I felt her press her fingers hard into my back with one hand, in the boney area just to the left of the base of my spine. As she did this, she had her right hand on my right shoulder, gently guiding me back up into a sitting position.

We both heard the pop come from the area to the left of the base of my spine and I immediately said, “I think I’ve died and gone to heaven.” She giggled at this and asked, “So, assuming you’re really dead and in heaven, who is standing behind you?”

I leaned against her, enjoying the feel of her lean body against me with the warm water flowing all around us. “Satan’s daughter,” I replied.

She started laughing uncontrollably at that point. But when she could finally speak she said, “Brian, you are a brat with a capital B.” She then leaned down and nuzzled my neck saying, “Stand up and I’ll get this bench out of here.”

After the bench was removed she insisted on washing me from head to toe before kicking me out of the shower so she could wash herself. I dried off and headed into the bedroom to put some clothes on when I heard her yell, “No dressing for you just yet! Wait for me in bed!”

So, I slipped back under the covers feeling rather dopey from the rubdown and hot water and… Uh… Well… I felt this most beautiful creature with its arms wrapped around me when I next regained consciousness. I immediately reached out an arm for a talking clock I keep near by when I heard that long drawn out shushing noise my lady emits when she wants me to be calm or still.

“It’s not quite 7:00 AM yet. You’ve got time. You also have a voicemail to collect messages for you if you miss a call,” Julia said softly. “You need time for you today.”

She then kissed my neck lightly and asked, “How do you feel?” I said, “Much better, thanks to you. I could still feel the dull ache going all the way down my leg when I came in here to lay down again. But now, it feels ok.”

Julia kissed me again, lightly on the neck and said, “Good. Let’s make sure it stays that way.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “Normally I can control that kind of thing within minutes. But this time…” I trailed off feeling Julia change positions so she was now facing me.

Then she spoke saying, “No apology accepted. Feeling pain now and again is a part of life. It’s not like you wallow in it when you run into trouble. You’ve done well. You’ve always done well in handling just about everything that happens to you and within you. So… Apology not accepted because there’s no need for one in the first place.”

She then kissed me passionately for a long moment before saying, “I’m going to lay here with you until you go back to sleep. I’m going to take your cellphone with me and will keep an eye on it for you. If I see that something has come up that needs your attention I will wake you.”

I nodded thinking that us sharing passcodes for phones at times like these is a good thing. I kissed her lightly saying, “Thanks,” and that’s the last thing I remember until around 11:00 AM.

I guess it’s the sciatic nerve that acts up in my back every so often. Having three hard driving registered Seeing Eye dogs and doing thousands of miles of road work with each of them over a thirty-one year period might have something to do with it occasionally giving me grief.

Things get either inflamed do to weather changes or joint alignment issues and I’ve got pain going down just the left leg, if not both legs. I can usually manage it with a few meditation techniques I’ve learned. But this time… Well… “I’m just glad Julia was there.”

With most of the women in my past, my pain was mine alone to deal with and their pain was my problem too. There was never any balance in those relationships and I got really worn down emotionally over the years.

Then I met Julia and was pleasantly surprised. She is a woman who doesn’t need me. She wants me.

She doesn’t jam help down my throat. She let me know it’s available if I want it.

In a word, she works with me instead of against me, going out of her way to be my partner instead of an overlord or caretaker every day. “I can’t help but love, admire and respect her for that!”

Sometimes I still have trouble getting used to it. And… She knows that and lets me know she knows it in a playful way that makes it perfectly clear the other shoe isn’t going to drop, “At all.” Even this morning, I could detect that ghost of a laugh in her voice at times, basically indicating, “I know what your thinking and feeling right now and it doesn’t need to be. You’re not dead wait and I don’t expect you to be superhuman either.”

Author: Brian Schnabel

A single Goldberg Realty owned Newtonian Gardens Apartments resident, Self-Publishing Author, cPanel WordPress Web Host and Windows 11 powered computer tech. A musician, sailor, hiker, cycler and… Yes ladies… Some women would say, “Magical, too!”

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