“Good morning, Babe. Are you ok?” Those were the first words I heard of the morning as I opened my eyes to find Julia’s body pretty tightly wound around me.
I nodded and began moving to get out of bed when she softly said, “Please stop for a minute.” I looked at her questioningly and she said warmly with concern in her voice, “You had a rough night last night. Are you sure you’re ok?”
She was lightly holding my hand as I sat and I looked back at her puzzled and she said, “You don’t remember. That’s understandable. We’ll talk more about it later, ok?”
I nodded saying, “I slept like a stone so…” My voice trailed off and I said, “I’m guessing it wasn’t a dream this time.”
“What’s with the tissues?” I asked feeling confused at having found a pile of them on the bed. Julia gently gave my hand a squeeze and said gently, “We’ll talk later after we’re up and around. I promise. It’s all good.”
So, that’s how our day began. Exercises first. Journaling and what not second. Then self-improvement type material last.
Of course, we had the coffee pot up and running so we’d have fresh coffee when we were done exercising. But, in this house that’s just a given.
For some strange reason, I felt a thrill of dread when Julia walked into my study where I was sitting at my computer reading and sat down on the couch behind me. As I closed the screen I was in and began to stand Julia said softly, “I’ve got fresh coffee right here.”
Julia then added gently yet playfully, “Don’t look so worried. You’re not in trouble Mr. Schnabel. You can come sit with me over here. I only bight upon command.”
Once I sat down and she handed me the coffee, Julia sat studying me for a while before quietly asking, “What do you remember about last night?” I replied, “Going to bed with you and then… I don’t know. There’s this confusion of voices and images. But nothing defined. I have nights like that sometimes. It’s not unusual.”
Julia put an arm around me and shifted closer. She was gazing at me intensely before speaking again. “You had a melt down last night. At first, I thought you were having a vision. But once it was clear you weren’t… Well… I did what you’ve done for me. Let’s put it that way.”
When I looked at her questioningly, she took a deep breath and said, “I don’t know what triggered it but… You were convinced you were failing, and I was going to leave you. You fell back asleep again in my arms crying.”
I must have looked my disbelief because as she took my empty coffee cup with her free hand and sat it down on the coffee table next to her, she said, “You may remember at some point over the next few days or weeks or whenever. You may not. It’s ok though.”
Julia then kissed me lightly and leaning in to look me straight in the eyes with a burning intensity said, “At some point that part of you that is hiding in terror from even you will know, I am here to stay, no matter what. That’s a fact.” After that… It was all Julia.