I Am a Computer Genius.

“Baby? Why did you just turn OneDrive off before opening Microsoft Word?” As I began to write a general meditation script I intended to use for a little course creation project my wife has tasked me with, even though I’m not a Licensed Therapist, I discovered I was having trouble saving my file directly to the cloud, Also Known As, “OneDrive.”

But… Word has been doing other screwy things of late too and all Microsoft seems to be able to do is have people waste their time doing stuff that doesn’t work. Since the release of Windows 11, true to form, Microsoft and the folks who have created my screen reader, JAWS for Windows, seem to be having a contest to see who can be labeled as the most incompetent paid software manufacturer, “First!”

Since the release of Windows 11… Yeah… I’m going to have to say that Microsoft is winning this time around. I’m very disappointed with Microsoft 365 of late as I don’t appreciate having to deal with constant Upload pending messages when working directly with files in the cloud, either.

They don’t have a real answer as to what’s going on. But… If the rumors are true than Microsoft might as well just hold a press conference and shout it from the rooftops. “Yes folks! We have more customers than our network can handle! Please allow us to miss lead you and waste your time with pointless workarounds while we take more of your money!”

Julia burst out laughing as I got to the above quoted during my explanation about why I had turned OneDrive off. Then, once she composed herself, she asked, “So you think it is OneDrive that is partially impacting Word’s performance?”

I nodded and said, “It’s also possible that Dropbox could be playing a role as well. But it’s just all so damn complicated to think my way through at the moment. I hate petty crap like this. It’s just such a waste of time and the manufacturers aren’t taking responsibility for their own screwups. It’s always the next guy’s fault, which just doesn’t help.”

“Baby,” Julia said in a kind of consoling tone, “Take a break. Don’t worry about working on this today.”

I looked at her with raised eyebrows and she said, “I tell you what. Go over and stretch out on the couch in my study and I’ll type up the script for you as you dictate it to me. I’ll deal with the Microsoft Word antics, which incidentally don’t seem to be happening in Excel or PowerPoint.”

She placed a hand on my shoulder as she spoke and said, “My God you are tense.” She then spun me around in the chair and kissed me passionately and said with a laugh, “Come on you. That’s enough computer work for you right now.”

I sighed heavily and stood up. Julia then gave me a hug and said, “It will be fine. This isn’t a problem. I can help.”

She must have known what I was about to ask because she suddenly added quickly, “My 3:30 has cancelled so… It’s all good.”

She then walked down the hall with me saying, “I know you’re not really comfortable doing this and I understand why. But you really are the best man for the job in this particular instance.”

As I sat down on the couch in her study I asked, “What makes you so sure?” She replied, “Because I’ve seen the other stuff that’s out there and it’s all just designed to sell more product. You and I can come up with a course that works.”

Then she sat down on the couch next to me and said, “Well… In this case… Yeah… It’s going to be mostly you.”

She then kissed me gently before giving me a squeeze saying, “I’m licensed, which means I can help with quality control, so we don’t end up in hot water.”

“So… What is it you want me to do? You said we’re doing a course. What kind of a course?” I asked her, feeling at that moment like I was the worst man for the job.

“This is about service to others. It’s not about profits. Honest.” She began. “I’ve been pulling together stuff that we can package along with a few audio files that will help folks manage the stress in their lives better. No Remote Viewing, Influencing, or Healing stuff,” she added. “I’m just focused on helping people use basic techniques to handle whatever hell they’ve been through and is going on in their lives right now.”

“Ok?” I said. “So… Meditation is just a part of the deal. What’s the other stuff?” She gave my leg a squeeze and said, “Various forms of journaling, physical exercise, nutrition, affirmations, hobbies… I’m pretty sure you’re getting the idea.”

“Yes,” I said. “So, you’re talking about a book and audios involving guided meditation.”

She said, “Well… I was thinking we might do the whole thing as an audio course, or book, if you want to call it that.” I nodded then asked one more question. “Is this the new direction your practice is taking? You want to come up with a method that can be used in conjunction with regular talk therapy to help clients?”

She said, “Exactly.” She then leaned into me for a very passionate kiss.

When she finally released me, I said, “Well… Um… Isn’t your computer over there?”

She laughed softly and said, “Yeah… But I’m thinking I’d probably get just as frustrated with Microsoft Word as you were a few minutes ago. So, I came up with an alternate plan as we were walking in here.” She then placed a small digital recorder in my hand and said, “All I need you to do is talk me through the steps you use to come in and out of center as you do them.”

I nodded and said, “You got a set of headphones over there?” She said smiling, “I thought you’d never ask.”

And so… We began. I did my thing, simply saying out loud the self-talk I would normally use to reach center and then move out of it again.

It only took about twenty minutes. But… Julia was right. I was a little aggravated with Word’s performance. Otherwise, I probably would have been able to achieve center in five.

After that, she typed everything out and I helped her clean up the script a bit so it would be more intelligible for use as a guided meditation. Yeah… By dinner time, Julia was smiling big time.

“I can’t thank you enough,” she said. “But… I’m sure as hell going to enjoy trying.”

She spoke her last sentence with that soft seductive naughty laugh of hers. And… No… Her mouth wasn’t writing checks her body couldn’t cash, as she demonstrated again and again and again, all evening long, “After we ate dinner, of course.”

Author: Brian Schnabel

A single Goldberg Realty owned Newtonian Gardens Apartments resident, Self-Publishing Author, cPanel WordPress Web Host and Windows 11 powered computer tech. A musician, sailor, hiker, cycler and… Yes ladies… Some women would say, “Magical, too!”

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